New Normal
I'm learning a "new normal". It's something we constantly have to do. With new friendships, new relationships, a spouse. We create a new normal. Breakups and being fed up with bad habits, that is also creating a new. Mine is a little tender right now, and I'm not sure I will ever get used to it.
Today, my unbreakable dad, was placed on hospice.
In October of 2009 he was admitted to the hospital for renal failure. Soon after, he was diagnosed with an auto immune Wegener's Granulomatosis (his body attacking his own kidneys) and Cryptococcus Fungal Meningitis (fungus growing in his brain and spinal cord). I watched him re learn how to walk, to talk, and even try and re train his facial muscles to smile. One particular day I walked into the hospital room, and I knew he knew I was his daughter, but he couldn't remember my name. At this time, I was only eighteen years old.
Since that time he has undergone dialysis, a kidney transplant and brain surgery. Due to all the medications he has taken, he now shows the signs of diabetes, Parkinson's and Dementia. He has had skin cancer too many times to count, and had now been deemed terminal. And this is just stuff I can name off the top of my head.
But all these diseases, surgeries and trials do not define him, or me. This is just the phase of life we are in right now. Though I would not wish this on anyone, nor do I fully understand how much pain my dad is in, I am grateful for the past 8+ years thus far. I have witnessed miracles. I have felt and understood compassion. I have been blessed with angelic people, whether I knew them for years or just a short time, who have blessed me in ways I wish I could fully express. And most of all, I have come to know four people so much better because of this difficult climb. My mum and dad, a relationship I can only pray to emulate and my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I'm not always positive. And my heart is currently breaking. I've been made very aware that I need to expand my support system for what is inevitably going to happen. I'm not quite ready to express those things with people yet, however, I'm using this as a way to learn. Some experiences I hold very sacred, and will choose to keep those for myself. But the rest I am going to try to document, for my own healing of sorts. Until then, I just need to remember to "Be still, and know that I am God".
Photo credit Lauren Wenn
Today, my unbreakable dad, was placed on hospice.
In October of 2009 he was admitted to the hospital for renal failure. Soon after, he was diagnosed with an auto immune Wegener's Granulomatosis (his body attacking his own kidneys) and Cryptococcus Fungal Meningitis (fungus growing in his brain and spinal cord). I watched him re learn how to walk, to talk, and even try and re train his facial muscles to smile. One particular day I walked into the hospital room, and I knew he knew I was his daughter, but he couldn't remember my name. At this time, I was only eighteen years old.
Since that time he has undergone dialysis, a kidney transplant and brain surgery. Due to all the medications he has taken, he now shows the signs of diabetes, Parkinson's and Dementia. He has had skin cancer too many times to count, and had now been deemed terminal. And this is just stuff I can name off the top of my head.
But all these diseases, surgeries and trials do not define him, or me. This is just the phase of life we are in right now. Though I would not wish this on anyone, nor do I fully understand how much pain my dad is in, I am grateful for the past 8+ years thus far. I have witnessed miracles. I have felt and understood compassion. I have been blessed with angelic people, whether I knew them for years or just a short time, who have blessed me in ways I wish I could fully express. And most of all, I have come to know four people so much better because of this difficult climb. My mum and dad, a relationship I can only pray to emulate and my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
I'm not always positive. And my heart is currently breaking. I've been made very aware that I need to expand my support system for what is inevitably going to happen. I'm not quite ready to express those things with people yet, however, I'm using this as a way to learn. Some experiences I hold very sacred, and will choose to keep those for myself. But the rest I am going to try to document, for my own healing of sorts. Until then, I just need to remember to "Be still, and know that I am God".
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